Been too long.

Again, it's been way too long.

I'm absolutely terrible at keeping up with my blogging. My last one was in May of last year; A lot has  changed in that time & I feel I should update everyone.

I've moved. Not just anywhere, but to Hobart - a much bigger & better place than where I was living before. Not just that though, but I am now living with my girlfriend. For a 23 year old who at the age of 14 never thought he'd ever find a girlfriend, to now being 23 & living with one makes me very proud of how far I have come. Not too shabby for a chubby, anxious man.

Breaking Bad is now over. This makes me very depressed. I've been trying to fill the void with the likes of Walking Dead & it's not really working. No offense to that show but it's no Breaking Bad. I'm somewhat trepadaious about the spin-off though with Saul Goodman; I'm not that big of a fan of the character but I'm alway up for some more Breaking Bad in my life -- Just wish it was with a character/s I enjoy a bit more.

GTA Online is taking up a heap of my time. Aside from the shoddy creation menu (who thought it was a good idea to use a family-tree style creation mode?) & troubles when it first came online, which was to be expected with millions of people at once trying to get online, there was bound to be issues. Since then though i've been having a blast with it -- mainly playing golf though. So if you're into golfing in GTA & own a PS3, add me: Jaykueza.

I also own a mouse now. My girlfriend got one too so we could both have one. Hers is named Rin & mine is Thump; both are females so feel free to pity them due to their names. Turns out though, ina shocking turn of events for us, both of them were pregnant. Turns out we got quite a deal: buy two mice, end-up with eighteen. That's how you strike a good deal.

Also, I have a beard now. Like a true man should. Two types of people don't have beards: Women & Children. 

I'm also hoping to get into a writing course next year at the University. I have a lot of hesition due to my first failed attempt at University but I feel I should give it another shot. They have a writing course there that they didn't have at my old Uni that I would love to attempt. My hopes are to be a screenwriter one day & write something as good as the movies I love & TV shows I enjoy -- one can dream hey.

Jason

Anxiety: affecting my life since 1990

Hello, my name is Jason Tolland, and I suffer from anxiety.

Some may immediately think ‘that’s not too bad’ or ‘we’ve dealt with worse’ but I beg to differ. Anxiety is a huge issue that can easy over-take ones life if not watched over. I know for a fact it has affected mine in a negative way since the day I was born ..

It has stopped me from ever doing anything with my life. I sit here at 22 years-old wondering just what I can do; that’s not the huge issue though. I am still young and have time but that time is ticking for me. A lot of people my age have successful jobs or are working there way there through University -they may also be nearing the end of their courses by now – and there’s nothing I can do about it.

With my anxiety as it is it stops me from ever stepping over any boundaries where I feel I could fail, as that stuff has a lot bigger affect on me than it would for normal people. Take this for an example: I love wrestling and I enjoy writing — however, if I was asked to write a column on it a few days a week I would freak out at the pressure of having to reach a certain level to appease people. It works the same with any job for me.

My first job was working retail … No biggie right? work the counter, stack shelves, etc. general dealing with customers in a normal working environment. Well, I really,struggled with this. Due to my nervous nature I really stressed when I would fail even in the slightest and cause it to get worse, I couldn’t keep up with the relatively simple pace and was even pulled aside by the manger and told to ‘fucking work faster or you’ll be gone’

Turns out I didn’t work there for much longer ….

I can’t blame her for giving me a mouthful, I wasn’t exactly the best of employees but that wasn’t by choice. I would always be kind to the customers, smile and try my hardest but it just wasn’t enough (even for a relatively simple job like that) so that even leads me to wonder ‘what can I actually do?’

It’s a question I still don’t have an answer for.

I also have a rather short-attention span and memory issues that I feel are getting worse as time goes on (no surprise really) that are also affecting how my decisions go. I can love one thing for an hour or so then completely sour on it the next and move on the next “more interesting” subject/topic. Nothing really sticks with me and it’s highly annoying; even with wrestling or video games. I can love a company one minute then turn on them the next and I can’t understand why … I just lose interest.

This has also gotten worse over the years as I didn’t have this much of an issue when I was younger; which also could of been due to the lack of options presented in my life: no Internet, not the social type, only had limited number of things I could do. Now-days there are just so many options that its extremely hard to stick to just one interest. In a way, phones, Internet, iPads, etc have really affected people today in a society that is becoming more and more fast moving as time goes on.

I hope someone read this and understands the issues that I am going through. If you’d like to contact me and share your thoughts or stories with me, please do at -

Twitter: ‘https://twitter.com/Jaykueza’

Thank you for reading.

Jason.