Hello, my name is Jason Tolland, and I suffer from anxiety.
Some may immediately think ‘that’s not too bad’ or ‘we’ve dealt with worse’ but I beg to differ. Anxiety is a huge issue that can easy over-take ones life if not watched over. I know for a fact it has affected mine in a negative way since the day I was born ..
It has stopped me from ever doing anything with my life. I sit here at 22 years-old wondering just what I can do; that’s not the huge issue though. I am still young and have time but that time is ticking for me. A lot of people my age have successful jobs or are working there way there through University -they may also be nearing the end of their courses by now – and there’s nothing I can do about it.
With my anxiety as it is it stops me from ever stepping over any boundaries where I feel I could fail, as that stuff has a lot bigger affect on me than it would for normal people. Take this for an example: I love wrestling and I enjoy writing — however, if I was asked to write a column on it a few days a week I would freak out at the pressure of having to reach a certain level to appease people. It works the same with any job for me.
My first job was working retail … No biggie right? work the counter, stack shelves, etc. general dealing with customers in a normal working environment. Well, I really,struggled with this. Due to my nervous nature I really stressed when I would fail even in the slightest and cause it to get worse, I couldn’t keep up with the relatively simple pace and was even pulled aside by the manger and told to ‘fucking work faster or you’ll be gone’
Turns out I didn’t work there for much longer ….
I can’t blame her for giving me a mouthful, I wasn’t exactly the best of employees but that wasn’t by choice. I would always be kind to the customers, smile and try my hardest but it just wasn’t enough (even for a relatively simple job like that) so that even leads me to wonder ‘what can I actually do?’
It’s a question I still don’t have an answer for.
I also have a rather short-attention span and memory issues that I feel are getting worse as time goes on (no surprise really) that are also affecting how my decisions go. I can love one thing for an hour or so then completely sour on it the next and move on the next “more interesting” subject/topic. Nothing really sticks with me and it’s highly annoying; even with wrestling or video games. I can love a company one minute then turn on them the next and I can’t understand why … I just lose interest.
This has also gotten worse over the years as I didn’t have this much of an issue when I was younger; which also could of been due to the lack of options presented in my life: no Internet, not the social type, only had limited number of things I could do. Now-days there are just so many options that its extremely hard to stick to just one interest. In a way, phones, Internet, iPads, etc have really affected people today in a society that is becoming more and more fast moving as time goes on.
I hope someone read this and understands the issues that I am going through. If you’d like to contact me and share your thoughts or stories with me, please do at -
Twitter: ‘https://twitter.com/Jaykueza’
Thank you for reading.
Jason.
